A War of Pranks
by boshrocks
Summary: It's the infamous Weasley twins vs the Deadly Duo i.e. Draco and Harry.....until someone decides enough is enough. To find out who, read on. and please review.
1. Pranks

Somehow Harry had become very rebellious. This was probably due to his recent close friendship with one Draco Malfoy. Hermione was always teasing him that he was going over to the dark side because of it.

The pair were not named the Deadly Duo for nothing. They spent a lot of time in the Room of Requirement inventing new spells and hexes to prank people with. Some of these were quite cruel even by Malfoy's standards.

One included a hex that made the victim's hair turn into daisy chains.

Another they used on Ron in class once. Harry cast a spell on him to keep making him put his hand up and ask stupid questions. Draco then cast their own spell on him so that whenever he raised his hand he smelt strongly of BO and the class on that side of him gagged from the strength of the smell.

They also kept slipping him Denken Serum, a potion which made him speak exactly what he was thinking, with hilarious results.

They were even giving the Weasley twins a run for their money as they were pranking them as well. No one had ever dared to prank the infamous Weasley twins before and it wasn't long before a full scale prank war was initiated between them.

Fred slipped a Doxy into Draco's pocket, whereupon the hungry creature crawled out and bit his hand. Poor Draco had to spend the next three days in the hospital wing.

Harry responded by making Fred randomly sing the national anthem in the middle of all his classes. Naturally the teachers didn't like this and all of them gave him a detention.

George slipped Denken Serum into Harry's goblet of pumpkin juice at dinner, making him spill his darkest secrets to the whole school. And that included the one that said that he thought Draco was hot.

Luckily Draco himself wasn't there to hear it…or maybe not.

Those boys were really getting into it and they seemed to have no idea of the consequences their prank war had. One of these hit them where it really hurt.

Someone…was pranking them.

Someone other than the opposition i.e. the twins and the duo.

Someone else.

Someone was playing pranks on the boys.

And out of the whole school they had no idea how to find them and make them pay for daring to get in the way of the prank war. Or where to start looking.

"Who do you think it is?" Harry asked Draco and Ron as they sat in the library.

"I haven't got a clue."

"Don't look at me! I asked my brothers about it and they said that they wouldn't do that, even in retaliatory circumstances."

Harry noticed that Hermione, who was sitting nearby, was being very quiet and seemed to be working, when usually she would add her extensive brainpower and help them figure stuff out.

"What's up Mione?"

"What? Oh nothing Harry."

"You do realise that you're reading your book upside down, don't you?"

Her eyes widened.

"Oh! It's…um…it's sometimes easier to read upside down."

She got up quickly and rushed out of the library, fiddling with something in her pocket as she went.

"I don't buy it. She's up to something." Draco said.

"Hey, you don't think she's the one playing the tricks on us do you?" Ron said.

Glances were exchanged before Madam Pince ferried them out of the library because they were laughing too much.

When the quartet of pranksters woke up the next morning a recently vacated bucket of water was swinging in mid air above their beds and they themselves were soaked through. This had been the cause of their awakening. Ron saw Harry and chuckling left the room and saw his brothers standing outside their dorm, also soaked through. This time nothing could stop his laughter. Hermione and Ginny came to see what the fuss was about and also fell about laughing. None of the boys saw the winks they exchanged.

Draco, it transpired, had also been awakened by that floating bucket of water. As a result his hair went frizzy, as straightened hair has a habit of doing when it gets wet.

If he thought the mocking he had received for the ferret business was bad…well, let's just say it didn't compare to what he received this time around.

Over the next week more and more pranks were played on the boys, and Ron received some as well…just for good measure.

A normal book in the library randomly started attacking the twins as they sat working (for once!) and at the same moment the books Harry and Draco were poring over suddenly snapped at their hands. Ron's book went slightly further and bit him on the nose. He retaliated by grabbing another book and starting to whack at the book as it made for his nose again.

They failed to hear the muffled giggles coming from behind the bookshelves.


	2. Cramps

"Do you think we're doing the right thing with pranking them and all? It feels a little mean."

"Hermione! We've worked too hard for you to get a jelly belly now."

Hermione pouted and then rubbed her belly.

"'S'not made of jelly. Made of something worse." She complained, hunching over a little.

"Poor you. Surfing the crimson wave, then?"

"You know it. This is far too painful to be normal."

"Just cramps?"

"Let me just point out, the words 'just' and 'cramps' should never be used in the same sentence!" Hermione bristled and stared at her girlfriend indignantly.

She chuckled and conjured a hot water bottle for Hermione.

Harry, Ron and Draco wandered into the entrance hall on their way outside. Hermione saw them coming and prodded her girlfriend, who disappeared into a broom cupboard. Hermione was left sitting on the stairs clutching the hot water bottle. The boys paused when they saw her.

"Hey Herm. You okay?"

"Nothing you would understand, Ronald." She snapped.

"Ah. Let me guess, it's that time of the month again and you're overdoing the pain thing for sympathy. Again. One twinge of discomfort and you claim the world is ending. Do we have to go though this every month?"

"Harold James Potter, I cannot believe you would be this insensitive!" she screeched. "When you have a womb then we can talk about whether this bloody pain is real or not! I would expect comments like that from Ronald but not from you."

"Miss Granger!"

They looked around. Professor McGonnagal was standing by the doors into the great hall.

"Would you come with me please? I have something to discuss with you." she said.

McGonnagal shut the door of her office and motioned Hermione to sit down.

"I know. Boys are pricks. Enough said. But, you must never let them get you down because they don't have a womb."

"Is there any way we can give them one?" Hermione asked.

"I'm afraid not. And there's nothing we can do about it. They're all like that. even when they're grown up. You should hear Severus go on about how it's all fake and we-"

"Just want sympathy."

"Indeed. I've also been hearing about the prank war between the twins and the Treacherous Trio as they have now deemed themselves, since Ron joined. Also how someone is playing pranks on them. Care to shed some light on this?"

Hermione grinned shyly at the deputy headmistress. Silently she nodded.


	3. A Clue

The days went on and the pranks came coming thick and fast. The five boys would try to continue with their own prank war but they were having certain difficulties. The difficulties came in the form of pranks from a mysterious source. After a week of horrible pranks, several of which were really quite cruel, the boys decided to call a truce until they had discovered the perpetrators of the anonymous prankster. After all, they were all in the same boat, and the pranks were directed at all five of them.

Hermione was crabbier than ever as she clearly hadn't forgiven the boys for making fun of her feminine problems. She was hanging out with the girls a lot more than usual as well. They had barely seen her. And, although Ron said this was a vast improvement, they all began to miss her. And the boys couldn't think what had happened. Yeah, they'd made fun of her, but they'd done that loads of times.

Harry had noticed that Hermione and Ginny seemed to be missing from the common room several nights running. Fred and George reported that their girlfriends seemed to be avoiding them as well and Draco couldn't work out where Pansy was sneaking off to every night.

Draco ate on the Gryffindor table a lot at the moment and as the five sat there they thought over their two problems. Where the girls were and who was pranking them. Harry pulled out the Marauders Map.

"They're nowhere in sight. They're not in here and I can't find them." Harry said pouring over it.

"Guys, you don't reckon it's the girls pranking us do you?" Draco asked.

"They wouldn't."

"Then why do they keep sneaking off? Something's going on here. Something not right." Draco said suspiciously.

A moment later the candles in the great hall went off.

Red letters formed over the doors.

_We know you're all wondering who we are. _

_So we'll leave some clues for you._

_Not that you're clever enough to work them out._

_But nevertheless, we'll see it through. _

_Our first clue is: _

_Our numbers match yours _

_As do our years,_

_To find us out_

_Look among your peers._

_Confused? We knew you would be._

_Work it out and you will find the key_

_We who trick you so well _

_Hold you under our spell._

Dead silence met these verses and they faded into the blackness. Then the candles suddenly sprang to life again and everyone jumped.

"Our numbers match yours, as do our years. Look among your peers. Hold us under their spell. Riddles. Where's Hermione when you need her? She's good at riddles." Harry said, leaning on his hands.

"Peers- that would mean someone in our year." Draco said.

"But we're not all in the same year." George pointed out.

"True. What could they mean then?" Ron pointed out.

"Their numbers match ours- that means there's five of them. Their years- means they're in the same years as us. Under their spell. No idea what that means." Fred deduced.

The poem was right, there were absolutely confused.


	4. Feminine Problems

Later in the evening after the first clue the girls gathered in the Room of Requirement.

"I haven't worked out yet how I'm going to pay Harry back for the ribbing he gave me last week. Any ideas?" Hermione asked.

"We could work our next clue into it. Something feminine. Considering what we are punishing him for, I say we give him a period."

"Pansy we can't do that. Not physically. But we could do it in effect. Give him the sensation of it." You could almost see the light bulb going on above Ginny's head. "We make him feel he's got a period. The PMS, cramps, bleeding, bloating, huge appetite, the works."

"No we need something else. Something else that's feminine and payback."

Someone knocked on the door as she spoke. Ginny went to answer it. It was McGonagall.

"I thought you might want a few tips. May I come in?"

Ginny stood back and let her in.

"How did you know we'd be here, professor?" Hermione asked.

"My dear, because I myself used this room as a hide out when I was planning pranks to play against the marauders when we were at school together. I had help from some surprising friends. Lily Evans, who later became Lily Potter; and Severus Snape. When we were in seventh year the usual prank war ensued. Everyone was in danger from the marauders because they were such infamous pranksters. A small group of us decided to turn the tables on them. We blended the houses together and came up with some brilliant pranks for the insufferable Sirius Black and James Potter. Even Remus Lupin joined in after I hid a dead fish under his bed so it stank to high heaven and him with it. What makes it funnier was that at the time he was trying to win the affections of a certain young lady and after I pulled my little prank she would have nothing more to do with him because he smelled too bad. I think I may be able to help your cause. I also need some help. Severus is becoming very cheeky about my time of the month and I want to teach him a lesson. There's a book in the library which surprisingly can only be read by women. It seems like some students at Hogwarts in the past also had trouble from childish boys and so they devised some rather brilliant pranks that we will, of course, have to bring up to date. Later I'll go and find it again." McGonagall smiled in triumph.

The next morning the boys got the second clue.

_So, you got our first message_

_Good. They will keep coming until you work it out._

_You scorned us for our trouble_

_And now we want revenge_

_So now you'll get double_

_A pin prick was what you called it_

_A bitch was what you called us_

_The tables are now turned _

_And it is you who is the bitch_

_And in our experience tiny pin pricks too!_

The boys stared at each other. Who had they offended recently…apart from each other? Well there was the monthly ribbing of the girls for their feminine problems…but they had already agreed that the girls wouldn't do that to them.

They sat out by the lake when the message came, written out of them on the lawn in pale pink blossoms of flowering spring trees. Suddenly Draco doubled up in pain.

"Ow! My stomach is cramping like mad." He moaned, rubbing his belly.

The twins then had to rush into the quidditch changing rooms because blood was on the crotch area of their trousers.

Harry got a blistering headache that was so surprisingly sudden that he was amazed as to how he got it.

"Ron, do you feel alright?" he asked cautiously.

"I feel bloated and sick. Why? Wait, do you realise you have a lot more spots than usual?"

Harry paled and moved towards the lake to see his reflection. A moment later Draco joined him and so did the twins. All of them had been struck by the dreaded acne. Ron had too, but he had so many spots anyway that no one noticed a few extra ones.

They saw the girls approaching from various angles and tried to hide their faces as they got nearer.

"Hi guys!" all the girls said together.

"Bugger off!" the boys shouted and then clamped their hands over their mouths as though they had not meant to say that.

The girls sniggered. The boys cringed as the pain intensified for each one. They all had stomach cramps now.

"If you weren't guys I'd say you have a touch of PMS." Alicia said smirking.

"Anyway, we're off to see Hagrid. Want to come?" Hermione asked courteously.

The boys cringed and went to lie down. The girls waited till they were out of earshot before cheering and high fiving each other. Operation Period was complete. Yes it was cruel but the boys deserved it. All of the girls had suffered month after month from the boys and when you feel as rough as you generally do when you are menstruating you really don't need bother from gloating boys. It felt good to turn the tables on them for once.


	5. Plans and Ringlets

Hermione and Ginny sat before the fire in the common room later that night.

"That was perfect, Hermione. I would never have thought to separate the period pains and give them to all of the boys. Where are they? Don't tell me they're still in the great hall pigging out?"

Hermione smiled and nodded. Alicia and Katie leant over the top of the sofa and grinned down at them.

"You should hear the boys complaining about it. They won't forget this in a hurry." Katie said curling a strand of Hermione's hair around her wand.

"We'll have to get them to describe their pain to us and then point out that what they have been suffering is a period and that they are lucky they don't have to suffer it every month like we do. Also that although their pain was separate that we have to have it rolled into one big fat lump." Ginny said, taking another strand of Hermione's hair and curling it.

"I wonder what else we can find in that book." Hermione said ignoring the attentions to her hair.

Alicia hopped over the sofa and promptly fell onto the rug. She retrieved the old brown book from inside Hermione's bag and started to flick through it.

"Here's something, that might work." She said stopping on a page and running her finger down the words. "One time the girls got annoyed at the boys bragging about quidditch so they sabotaged the game."

"What did they do?"

"It's hard to make out. They started with the robes. Transfigured them to make the Gryffindor ones pale pink and the Slytherin ones acid green. Since only boys were allowed to play back then the Gryffindor boys were totally humiliated because they were wearing pale pink. They also swapped the crowds cheers around so the Slytherins were cheering for Gryffindor and vice versa. Somehow they managed to freeze the brooms mid flight. I'm guessing with an old version of the Impediment Jinx. Oh this is great! They froze the snitch too. When the seekers were going for it, when they were about a foot from it they were frozen and then one of the girls froze the Snitch and summoned it to her. These girls were brilliant. They also used the old mirror trick to blind the players by sunlight, and to trick the seekers into thinking that was the Snitch. To confuse the players further they spread invisible netting over the goal hoops so the quaffle bounced off and no one scored any points."

"Man they gave those teams a good ribbing." Katie said chuckling carrying on with Hermione's hair.

"Can I ask why I suddenly am being given ringlets?" Hermione suddenly snapped.

"We talked about this, remember? Its for a payback prank." Ginny said, dodging Hermione's furious hand swats.

"What prank? Nothing we're doing requires ringlets…what are you planning?" Hermione glared at Ginny who did her best not to quail.

"Nothing! Just trust us. We know what we're doing."

"I'd like to be in the loop on this one."

"Face it, Herm, we are not going to tell you. You'll find out in good time."

"NOW would be a good time!" Hermione was clearly getting pissed off and quickly.

Ginny shot a quick glance at Alicia who noted it.

"So, are we going to do the quidditch pranks? All the boys in question are playing next weekend."

"So are you. So's Pansy. You really want to damage the chances for the cup?"

"Don't worry about that, I have a plan."

"That's never a good thing, Alicia."

"Why are you giving me ringlets!"


	6. Harry Gets an Idea

"What the hell are you doing?!" Hermione snapped as she was led blindfolded down what she thought must be some corridors because she wasn't being led down stairs.

Ginny hissed at her to be quiet and led her onwards.

Hermione was seriously confused. After the girls had finished putting her hair in ringlets, Ginny had made up her face and Katie had done something with the curls, and blindfolded her. Then they had led her up to the dorms and then all she had felt was pain. Now she felt that she was wearing something very heavy. Long too. Floor-length in fact.

At first she had protested but when she found that it did no good, she desisted. She heard footsteps ahead of them and what sounded like the boys sniggering. Were they in on this too?

Then she was stopped and the footsteps ahead of her stopped too. This must be their final destination. She was turned to one side and then pushed into somewhere that was small and cramped. There was a whiff of cleaning solution in the air. That meant broom cupboard. Great.

She heard the door close and the lock click. Even better. She was locked in a bloody broom cupboard.

"Um, where are we?" a voice said from somewhere in front of her.

"Who's that?"

"Hermione?"

"Harry?"

"I think its safe to take the blindfolds off. Assuming they blindfolded you too?" Hermione said, raising her hands to untie the piece of black cloth.

It didn't improve anything, the cupboard was pitch black.

"Do you have your wand?" he asked her out of the darkness.

"Um…no…hang on…yes…why is it down my top?"

Drawing it out she muttered "Lumos!" and light appeared at the tip of her wand.

Harry looked ridiculous. He could have been straight out of the eighteenth century. He was wearing a red coat with gold brocade work, a matching waistcoat, white shirt, white breeches, and white stockings, his shoes were black and had heels.

Looking down at herself she was shocked to see that she actually had a cleavage. And a corset…and a eighteenth century dress. She had to admit that it was a nice dress, it was blue with some bronze patterning on the bodice.

"What the hell is going on?" she said looking shocked.

He shrugged.

"The guys dressed me like this, when I was blindfolded."

"The girls did the same for me. Well at least this explains the pain I felt earlier, corsets are agonizingly painful. How women could stand them I have no idea. Why did they dress us up like this?"

"I don't know. They didn't leave a note down your corset with your wand did they?"

"Harry!"

"Sorry." He looked sheepish

"Notice anything about the colours we're wearing?"

"Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. Eighteenth century. Boy and girl. Why? Why did they do this to us?"

"I don't know, Harry. I really don't. All I know is that this is a prank and there will be hell to pay later."

Hermione tried to open the door by force but with no luck.

Then some gold letters appeared on the door.

_1770, the year of the greatest love story ever to grace the halls of Hogwarts. The heirs of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw shared their illicit love here. You have been selected to enact this and until you do you cannot leave the closet._

"What?!" Harry said.

"This is the kissing cupboard. The trapped people have to snog each other before they can get out of here. The costumes are an elaborate prank by our friends."

"What?"

"Oh, come on! My friends know I have a girlfriend! If she's in on this too, then hell will seem like a summer holiday compared to what I'm gonna do to them!"

Harry flinched under her wrath, before coming to his senses.

"Hermione? You have a GIRLFRIEND?!"

"Yes, Harry. I am lesbian, you know."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did. You were too wrapped up in your prank war to notice me or what I was telling you."

"I don't suppose you know who has been pranking us?"

"I do, but I won't be a rat."

"Tell me, Hermione."

"No. I just can't. If you want to know who they are work out the clues."

Harry looked so clueless that she could have slapped him.

"Think about it Harry! It's not that hard. Think about it logically. The first clue. Peers, they are in your year groups, yours and the twin's. Numbers match yours, that means there's five of them. They hold you under their spell is ambiguous. It could mean that they have a hold over your emotions or fear of their spells. Peers also means friends, they are friends of yours. The next clue. You boys made fun of lots of people for what later happened to you. They were connected. The repetition of the word bitch is significant. Work it out Harry, you're not exactly stupid, and it's not hard."

Harry was silent trying to work it out. Wait! Hermione wasn't there for either of the clues! And she just quoted them! Hermione!

"It's you. You're the one who's been pranking us."

"There aren't five of me. And I'm not in the same year as Fred and George."

Harry thought he could see her suppressing a smile.

"But there could be others? You could have formed ranks with some other people."

Hermione stopped suppressing the smile.

"Alright, it was me, and some friends. There is one problem that we didn't factor into the first clue. One member isn't a peer. That's all I'm saying for now. You'll figure it out. Also don't tell the other boys about me being one of them."

"Who's your girlfriend?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Whoever she is, I bet she's part of this conspiracy. Who else could it be? Hold under our spell? Love! You have Ron and myself under your spell. Fred and George both have girlfriends."

"Now you're getting there! Also, think who has been absent a lot recently. Now come and kiss me quickly so we can get out of here and I can get out of the corset because it is killing me!"


	7. Act 2 Of Ringlets

Harry and Hermione had managed to make it back to the common room without too many people seeing them. At the portrait hole Hermione stopped Harry.

"Wait! I have an idea. Why don't we get them back for pranking us?"

"What did you have in mind?" Harry looked eagerly interested.

"Well, since we're still in the costumes and considering what they wrote on the door, we could act like we really are the heirs back then and somehow we were turned into them."

"I have a better idea. You act like you enjoyed it and that we are now an item. It would seriously confuse your friends and annoy your girlfriend if she helped do this to us."

Hermione thought for a moment.

Eventually she said: "…Good plan."

"Ok, come on then…show time." Harry slipped his arm around her waist and she looped her arm around his neck. They gave the password and entered.

Since it was late there weren't a lot of people there. Fred and George were still up and playing exploding snap by the fire. Ron and Draco were playing wizard chess on one of the tables nearby. Ginny, Alicia, Katie and Pansy were braiding each others hair on the sofa. Also Colin Creevey was slumped in an armchair looking very sleepy with his camera dangling from his hand. Clearly they had kept him up waiting for them to come back.

Everyone glanced up at Harry and Hermione when they entered. Then they all simultaneously did a double take and their mouths dropped open. Harry grinned at them and Hermione nestled into his shoulder trying to hide her giggles. Pansy looked like she was going to blow her top, she was so angry. Draco tore his eyes away from Harry and Hermione to look pityingly at her. His eyes met Ginny's halfway and their eyes widened. They then realised that they both knew about the lovers, and what would happen to them now. Everyone looked miserable because their plan had bounced back into their faces.

"Can I come up to your dorm Harry? I need a big strong man like you to get me out of this corset." Hermione said smiling sweetly and provocatively to Harry, who grinned at her and led her to the stairs.

Once in the room they closed the door, broke away and burst out laughing as quietly as they could so they wouldn't wake Dean, Seamus and Neville.

"Did you see their faces?" Harry hissed at her.

"Quick unstrap me. Then I can go and shock them even more."

"What will you do?" Harry asked as he undid the laces of the dress and then the corset beneath it.

"What say we go to the Yule Ball together and wear these clothes? There we act totally in love and freak them out completely. I'll go down and ask if we can keep them." Said Hermione holding the dress and corset up to her chest over her shift and petticoat. She caught Harry checking her out and shot him a piercing glare. Sheepishly he gave her a peck on the cheek before hurrying to his bed as she left the dorm.

"Hey guys." She said as she re entered the common room where the rapid talk immediately ceased. They had undoubtedly been discussing the prank and how it could have gone wrong.

"We were wondering if we could borrow these clothes for the Yule Ball in a few weeks? You see, Harry asked me to go with him and I said I would. It would be nice to be matching for the ball." Hermione flashed that sweet, shy smile again.

Alicia nodded and Hermione hurried up the stairs to her dorm. As soon as she was gone Pansy let out a roar of frustration and when Ron shot her a surprised look she marched over to him and upended the chess board onto him. Draco got up and restrained her.

"Sh, it's all right."

"No it isn't Draco! How could she?" she protested fighting against him.

"Come on, we better get back to our common room. Good night guys." Draco said annoyingly calmly steering her out.

"I think they aren't being serious. I don't think this is real somehow." Ron said thoughtfully re setting the board. "Maybe they're pranking us, cos' we pranked them."

"I don't think so. They wouldn't." Ginny said uncertainly.

"You just wish it was you in his place, right Ron?" Fred said, emerging from his crouched position where he and George had taken cover from the explosion of the cards.

"Let's keep a close watch on them, talk to them about it. Maybe they'll let something slip and reveal that they are acting." Said Alicia thoughtfully.

But they did not let anything slip. Hermione and Harry kept up the lovey dovey act convincingly well for the next few weeks. One day Hermione kept flashing a diamond ring on her engagement finger and their friends caught the pair pouring over a copy of Witch's Weddings.

The girls kept pranking the boys and Harry didn't tell them that he knew Hermione was one of the perpetrators. Somehow the boys missed the fact that when their shoes were filled with bubotubber pus and their feet swelled up, Harry's weren't. They really were exceedingly dim.


	8. Ruffled Clothes and Operation Parsley

"How dumb are they?"

"I know. The engagement thing was a stroke of genius. How did you think of it?"

"My sister played a prank on her school last year. She has just left the all girls private school where dad sent her in consolation for my Hogwarts letter. She has a long term boyfriend, who is the perfect boyfriend. Her girl friends at school had met him a few times and it was obvious how in love they were. One day she was wearing a cheap glass diamond ring on her engagement finger because it wouldn't fit on any other finger and it tied her whole outfit together. She's big into drama, and they had just finished a performance. They didn't have much to do, since it was too early to start writing it up so they were just chilling and chatting. Anyway, one of her friends suddenly stops talking and grabs her hand. She then yells out 'You're engaged!?'. The whole class hears her and for the next two months my sister had the lower school asking her if they could be bridesmaids. The whole school believed her. It even got into the yearbook."

Hermione started chuckling in remembrance. Harry also found it hilarious and flopped back onto the bed. She stood and leant against the bedpost.

"Remember their faces when they first saw the ring?"

"Classic. We have to do something else too."

"Give me a hickey."

"Hermione!"

"What? If I go down with my hair and clothes crumpled it would freak them out. But if I have a hickey on my neck then it will be really believable."

"This is weird."

"Don't be such a wuss Harry."

After Hermione had a sufficient mark on her neck she undid some of the buttons of her shirt and loosened her tie. Harry rumpled up her hair and smudged her lipstick a bit.

Then he stood back, looking at her and then an idea came to him. He began ruffling up his own clothes.

"What are you doing, Harry?"

"We have some more work to do. We are making them think that we have just had sex. We both go down to the common room ruffled with insane grins on our faces. They'll totally freak."

Hermione grinned and then stepped closer to him and kissed him on the lips, sucking on the bottom one to make it red and a little swollen.

"Let's do it properly, then. Now you have some lipstick on your lips." She crumpled up his hair and undid his tie completely. She opened his shirt a little at the front and cast an appreciative eye over his well defined chest.

"Hey!"

"You checked me out the other night. Tit for tat. We may as well do the thing properly. Untuck your shirt." She pushed the robe off his shoulders.

"We really should think up some more magical pranks."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Hey! I'm not the brains of this operation remember?"

"Operation…operation! Operation Parsley! We haven't used that yet!"

"What's Operation Parsley?"

"You're father invented it. Sirius told me about it." she thought for a moment then clicked her fingers as the idea struck her. "Are you prepared to prank your own team members?"

"Always! I thought that was what we were doing?"

"No, Harry dear. Well, yes. But this as well. Subtly I will cast this spell on the girls and you spell the boys with _Parmetem Aurae_. Got that?"

"What will they do?"

"You'll see. Come on. Show time."

The looks on their friends faces when the pair arrived, looking dishevelled and thoroughly pleased with themselves, was absolutely priceless. They all believed that they had just slept together.

"Well, I'll say this for him, the gossips weren't lying when they named him the sex god of Hogwarts." Hermione said casually to the girls, shooting a small vindictive grin at Pansy who was looking very hurt and beginning to bubble with anger.

Harry glanced across at Hermione who nodded and winked. Harry leant forwards and gave her a quick peck on the lips. She grinned and then made a show of declaring that he had lipstick on his face and wiping it off.

The next moment the boys, as one shouted "PARSLEY!" and they couldn't stop either. Over and over again they shouted the one word and whenever they tried to say something else they could only say "Parsley!".

The girls meanwhile were completely oblivious to this as they had parsley growing out of their ears and could therefore not hear a thing.

As one they bolted for the portrait hole and were undoubtedly aiming for the nurse.

Harry and Hermione high fived and took the free sofa laughing like hyenas.


	9. Lilly and Lupin

Hermione and Harry couldn't stop laughing as they watched their friends zoom out of the common room.

"Hermione, if I haven't said it already, you are a genius!"

"I know." Hermione buried her nose in a book as her giggles subsided.

"What's that?"

"A spell book of pranks."

"Do the Weasley twins know about this?"

"No. Only girls can read it. It was written by girls in the school centuries ago. They got a little pissed off with their male counterparts and invented a bunch of great spells to get back at them."

"Any ideas?"

"Yes, this one could work. Hahahahaha! They were really brilliant back then!"

"What is it?"

"I know my transfiguration's good, but what about yours? I haven't seen you practice it in a while."

"I'm not exactly bad."

"Ok, so that's out…although I could do it on my own. Got it!"

"Tell me!"

"I know your mother once did this to Lupin, and I'm thinking we can do this to all our friends. If we knock them out well enough then we should have enough time. One problem, do you mind seeing them naked…and being the cause of it?"

"We knock them out and take their clothes, then what?"

"Leave them stranded."

"Where?"

"The forest."

"My MOTHER did that to LUPIN?!"

"Yes she did. And then blackmailed him with the photos."

"My MOTHER??!!"

"Yes Harry! We can slip a sleeping draught into their drinks and then levitate them out under the full body bind. We undress them there and return their uniforms to their beds. Also we take their wands."

"Isn't that really dangerous? Leaving them in the forest with no clothes and no wands."

"Fine, we'll leave one wand. They'll need the light. But I'll put the transfiguration block on it. We don't want them to get back with clothes on, do we?"

"Hermione, do you know that you can be really evil sometimes?"

"I learnt from the best. My girlfriend definitely taught me a thing or two."

"Who is your girlfriend?"

"Oh come on Harry! You can't be that dumb! Pansy! Pansy is my girlfriend! Surely you must have been wondering why she's always in our common room nowadays?"

"Um, no. A Slytherin?"

"Harry, we all know about your crush on Draco."

Harry paled and bit his lip.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

One of Hermione's eyebrows rose sceptically.


End file.
